“Could God really love me enough to die for me? I’m so unworthy.”
I was sixteen years old and acutely aware of my own sinfulness. I’d grown up knowing that I was a sinner saved by grace, but somehow that year I wondered.
How could God possibly love me? How could He want to die for me?
As I battled the growing doubts, more troubles arrived—my body had been frail for a few years, but suddenly the undiagnosed Lyme disease started to wreak havoc in every area of my life and countless bodily systems.
I felt my world crumbling, and at the very time I needed God most, He felt distant. I didn’t know if it was His own choice or my doubt separating us, but one thing I knew: I was desperate to reach Him.
I didn’t know it then, but my desperation for God showed just how much I missed Him. It was a good thing, knowing that I couldn’t handle the separation any longer.
When God Feels Distant
Dear heart, I don’t know why God allows seasons of distance. I do know that if you’re experiencing distance, it doesn’t brand you as a bad Christian. An overwhelming majority of the Psalms were written by a man who felt God had rejected him. Sometimes it was because of his sin, sometimes he had no idea why the God he loved was no longer near.
In those seasons, crying out to God is sometimes…